The PP and others

I knew I had a vocation to become an altar-boy when my mother took me to the local parish church and informed me that I was to become an altar - boy .......because all my friends were.
It turned out to be a very interesting experience involving many early mornings and occasionally a little money .
For most of the ten years that I served , the parish priest was a man named Father Union ( later Canon Union ). A most unusual man for his time . He had obviously been educated in Rome and he visited there as often as possible . A visit to Ireland from a former classmate of his was the highlight of his vocation , Cardinal Ageginian 's (?) visit in the fifties was greeted with ceremony only equalled in 1979 for Pope John Paul II visit and Canon Union was at the heart of it
As altar boys we did not meet him all that often except when serving his mass . But on one occasion he overheard a group of us (mid-teens ) arguing over the merits of a then -famous film actress :'' Who're you talking about ?'' he asked , we thought ,''We're for it now!'', ''Gina Lolobrigida '',we said.......thinking that he would not have heard of her....''NO , no ,no that's not the way to pronounce her name it' LA Lollo bridge EEEEDA ''
The annual Missions were an important part of the church year , just before Lent each year a group of Missioneries from orders such as , Franciscans , Carmelites , Jesuits (always way above me in both stature and vocabulary ) and most dramatic of all the Passionists from Mount Argus . would visit the parish for two weeks , the first week was for the women and the second was for the men . We , the altar boys had to attend both mornings (mass ) and evenings (sermons and benediction ). The Passionists were our favourites ,men in black (almost ), flowing cloaks with high collars , like Batman or Dracula , wide leather belts like John Wayne but instead of a gun they carried a large crucifix . (There is a story , and I'm not claiming that it's true , that one of these missioneries on the second night of the mens' mission asked some altar boys to place , wrapped mint sweets on the seats ( one for everybody ) , to help prevent coughing during the sermon , which had happened the previous night .
After the sweets had been distributed , a drunken man came in late , burstng open the main doors , he ambled up the main aisle of the crowded church ( like Gary Cooper in High Noon ) , elbowed his way into the front seat , just below the pulpit where the priest was giving his sermon and started to cough loudly . The priest , indicating the peppermint on the seat , said to the drunk man (sotto voce)...''For ..cough....For cough ,forcough ''...The drunk looked up at the priest , lurched out of his seat , shouted ''F*ck Off yerself !'' over his shoulder ,and walked out ) Following two weeks of prayer and penance , we were very glad when the LAST NIGHT Of THE MISSION , came .

Bell , book , candle , high cross , thurible , incense , all the hymns of Glory to God , we the altar boys dressed in our new , red , soutanes and crisp , starched surplices.... Acolytes Joe O'Keeffe and Mattie Vaughan whispering lewd , rude , crude jokes and the rest of us trying to keep a straight face , as we processed solemly , the Canon not directly participating but hovering , biretta (hat not gun ) plonked on head , hands deep in his snuff-stained soutane,,, yes this was it , it was all over for another year , if we hurried we could still catch the Sunday night film in the Classic Cinema , around the corner ....Men were standing up , putting their overcoats on , about to rush out before the local closed .....and then we heard it .....the thin whiney (sorry Canon), voice ,''men , men , just a few moments please .....I want to thank.........''Our hearts dropped to our boots , we were afraid this might happen (again) . Canon Joe Union , God Bless him , thanked EVERYBODY in the whole world for EVERYTHING in the whole world , and that was just his starting point , he usually went on to talk about the dire state of the church's finances , and we groaned and sweated through every sentance , every word , hoping that it would finally end before someone died....
The Canon used to patrol his parish perimeters like the Witchita Linesman , although Rathgar Av. was closer to Rathgar parish than Terenure , the Diocese decreed that our house was in his parish and he therefore visited the area fairly regularly . Maybe he is still out there walking the main road between Rathgar and Terenure , searching in the sun for another marginal soul .
I remember the last time I spoke to him . I had told him that I was about to get married ....he suggested that I should arrange the wedding in ROME , as some of my fellow altar boys had done , HE would perform the ceremony , and we would save money on guests......
Ahh the joy of youth...
Laetificat juventutam meam.....